Marina Kim Art

What are you insanely great at doing?

What I always felt insecure about is my sticking to the realistic representation of the people and objects in my visual art. The problem with that is, as common criticism these days goes, there is not much creativity involved in doing that. It’s just a copy of the nature. And NOW I see it for what it is. (I am thinking along as I write here). I see things realistically. That is my way of seeing things – as they are. If I were a writer, I’d write realism rather than sci-fi, if I were a painter, I’d paint realistic photographic portraits rather than abstract cubes or splodges… You see, I wrote “if I were a painter”… Funny that, because I kind of am a painter. Just now, just moments ago I made a transition from a visual artist to … what? Who am I? I finished Me The Painter now, and who am I then? I am a helper. Am I a healer? That doesn’t sound quite right. Am I a facilitator, an inspirator? Something along those lines. I am kind of a little ahead on the path and I am calling the others to follow, I trod a path, I am a path-treader. Fun!

There are millions of paths, there are millions of path-treaders. I just tread and show one of the millions of possible paths, and most likely this path will be suitable only for me, but it might help someone to see HOW I trod it. It is about applying the method of finding one’s path rather than the path itself.

Or, yeah. I remember now. There is a term for it which I came across a lot recently. A way-shower. So that’s what I am . That, I must admit, spoiled much fun for me – first, I wasn’t the first; secondly, that term comes from those creepy alien, new-agey, spirit-channelling people… Hmm.

But I strayed away from the question.

Ah! The answer came to me just now! (I have definitely tuned myself into something good!)
I am insanely good at analysing myself and applying it to a human behaviour in general, listening, comparing, analysing again, learning. And I can see now where all of that is leading me. I am a helper. A way-shower.

I am having a special moment here… Sorry. Back soon.

The topic of the present time is the gratefulness or thankfulness, which is a better consept when described as appreciation. I am not even sure if the two can be described as one stricktly speeking, but they ARE confused quite often anyway. The appreciation is probably closer to a wonder at the way the things turned out to be so good, or the wonder at the skill and goodness of the people having done something amazing, kind, devine, skillful, inspired… While in the words “gratefilnes” or “thankfulnes” there is a bit of a slave, a poor relative, something of deficiency. A bit of something we could do without.

Here is a story on BBC website to illustrate this appreciation of life’s little wonders…

A simple truth about appreciation was revealed to me recently – that it is equal to happiness. Or perhaps one can say, it is one of the sides of happiness, or one of the ways to it. So many things we have, which we do not cherish. Somehow being critical, demanding is often viewed as a virtue, a sign of sofistication and discernment. That it might be, but it also takes us even further away from happiness, kindness, child-like-ness. Away from health and down the road of Ego…

Poking about in the dark corners of my own Ego, I try to figure where this ansavoury self- and others-critic comes from, and come to a coclusion, that I view it as the ultimate quality-control device, whitout which I’ll be on a slippery-sliding slope to the gatters. Is it really so? Is it really so?.. A doubt is seeded. Perhaps I’ll soon be free. I’ll be free!

is “because you deserve it”.

It is the 21st century. Women vote, preside, earn living etc, etc for some time now. Yet, if they want to “treat” themselves to a bottle of shampoo or a tub of cream, they have to deserve it. To serve well in other words. To be a good girl.

Girls, you have to be good, if you want that stupid shampoo or whatever, you know. It is not like you want it, you get it. No way! You’ve got to deserve it.

Maybe the advertising industry does attract “all the bright creative and ambitious young people” leaving the rest of the visual arts with the residue, according to Banksy. But if that “because you deserve it” thingy keeps cropping up hundreds of times every day on TV, radio and street boards, then the bright and creative ones are still very thin on the ground even in the advertising industry.

Good thing there is no television in our household. On the other hand, I might have wound up creating a piece of art representing a violently fragmented TV set in a formaldehyde solution, bearing a long and meaningful title…

View From My Studio Window

First day in the studio after two weeks break.

Resistance.

Cold big room.

I sit down on the bed, facing the view. NOW…..

… The wind carries yellow leaves past my window. Their unorderly procession adds gayety to the intensely stormy sky. 

The wind gently holds the birds up in the air. They remind me of something… Of what? The feeling. The feeling of being alive and enjoying just that – being alive, which is always revocable, but constantly neglected. Why? Why cannot I share it with everyone? The poignant happiness of the moment, transient and untransferable. Or IS it untransferable?

The bird, flying in the sky, being happy and  unconcerned – does it care about sharing its emotions with anyone?

The leaves, scattering away from the trees, obviously having fun escaping, what do they think of their experience?

Why can’t I stop and enjoy and not care about involving others into the sharing of my experience, and looking around and asking, “Did you see that? Did you notice that? Do you feel what I feel? Feel it with me!” 

Because I am a human?..

Sculpture by a Brazilian artist Nele Azevedo

My perception of success is very rigid: either you are a world-famous superman, or you sweep the streets. And here where the problem comes - my reality is a million light years away from my ambition. Am I just an ordinary person?

I am a very ordinary person. The realization of it suddenly comes as a relief. Not seeing one-self in perspective is a curse. We think, we have some abilities, therefore, we are greater than the others, therefore we must perform on an outstanding level. And here comes the fear of failure and self-doubts to helps us along… to the depression. The other extreme which I find myself falling into is leveling myself with the earth, thinking, that if I am not making it to the top 10, then what’s the point of life. The dividing abyss between success and failure is wide and unforgiving for those, who doesn’t have the whole picture in front of them. And artists, due to their solitary nature of work existence often fall victims of this delusion. Attempting to assess myself and find the right path to success, according to my abilities and nature, I keep swinging from scorching to freezing, and never feeling comfortable. Thank progress for the Internet and blogging. I am rescued from the possible end in a mental house by the technologies.

There is a thingy on the Google, called “artist a day“, which does what it says. You can submit your art yourself, apparently, I haven’t tried. There is some sort of selection. But the stuff which comes up every day is diverse. It helped me to realise, how many artists are there, how many styles, views, opinions, messages… Some times the art featured is pathetic, sometimes it’s wonderful and makes you wonder why This Stuff didn’t make it to the Fame, while something of dubious quality, like … fill in the space, did. And not being The Celebrities of Art makes those wonderful artists just ordinary people.

There are blogs, which are funny, clever, passionate, informative. There are poems, short stories, photographs, illustrations, art critic. All created by ordinary people e i nobody knows them, they are not on the telly or on the front covers of the magazines.

There is a website I found http://www.paperkitefoundation.com/, which is a charity helping a village in the Northern India. Their life position stated on the site resonated within me, I want to help them – 5 or 8 people doing what they can, rather than a huge organization rotating millions. This charity was started by ordinary people. And you know what was really encouraging? There were photos of the team members on the website, and there they are, young, pleasant, with football on the beach, or in the office with a cup of coffee – they are ordinary, like me, like us. They enjoy life and do something nice for the others. Their lives are ordinary lives (as opposed to celebrity lives, with getting drunk, imprisoned, rehabilitated, whisked about the world, adopting a poor child - all of this with the generous helping of quick big money and media attention).

It is fine to be ordinary people. They get to enjoy life, being creative in the ways they like, helping and playing, working and learning.
- Yes, I take it. Wrap it up.  
- Hey, you already got it. You’ve been an ordinary person all along.
- Ah! But now I feel good about it, and THAT makes all the difference

Yesterday Jee Yeon and I with the kids spent part of the afternoon at Karen and Peter’s under the pretext to look at the chickens. Kids had a great time in the swimming pool, while we chatted on a very Mediterranean looking terrace, with the flag-stoned court and huge views over the valley.

Children were like little puppies, so sweet and lovable, with Ollie transcending into the stage of a touch older and danglier one. Jee Yeon keeps saying, how she doesn’t want them to grow up. This Sunday we went for a walk in a Fairlight Country Park (I think on the other end of the park they call it Hastings Country Park). We were walking along the path, and the four of them went in an indian file, brandishing sticks and chanting some made up song. Jee Yeon followed, then I. She said: “Oh, They are so cute! I don’t want them to grow up! Of course, Jiang Mi and Eva can produce one (child) each…” To which I said in a commanding tone “Children, as soon as you grow up, you have to quickly make some babies, so that Jee Yeon and I don’t get bored!” They ignored us on the account of being busy.

Two years ago I painted a portrait of Ollie, Peter and Karen’s son, and forgot to take a photo of it. Karen e-mailed it to me today.

Ollie Spencer

I am trying to catch the Present.

The book of the week is “The Power of Now”. The main message so far: The past and the future are not real – they are only the mental concepts. They don’t exist as such, outside of our head. The only thing which is real and which exists is The Now. But due to some trickery of our minds we, humans, keep getting trapped in the memories (Past) and the expectations (Future), therefore not paying due attention to the Present, therefore missing the life, the pure and ever-present pleasure of Being.

I came to the studio and tryed to block the thoughts of duty, like having to accomplish that much today and having to work on this and that today… I took my time to organise things, to enjoy being in the studio, touching the paper, feeling the water from the tap. Listening to the sonatas by Bach I moved around the room, looking at the paintings, planning, preparing the tools and materials.

Felt hungry. Got a piece of bread and chewed on it, looking out of the window.

It is very windy today. The white clouds are moving in a flow. They form a motion background for the houses, windows and roofs, with the seagulls on the tops. The music is of the same tempo – everything is moderato… I stay behind the glass, feeling the warmth of the sun on me, looking at the picture. The seagulls get into the air one by one. They stay there, having spread their wings, lightly swaying… I look at one of them.  All of a sudden, I understand, that it does it for no other reason, but the pleasure! Pure pleasure of being in the air, effortlessly and aimlessly, turning its heads here and there, seeing. Just seeing.

The time and the clouds were moving by, and the seagull just floated on the stream of air. The time and the places are moving by, and I stay, seeing. And feeling. Nothing else matters – only this. And then I go and create something about it

Computer is a great distraction. It is a great tool.

I am thinking about story-telling a lot lately. Went to see what they have on youtube on this subject. Some interesting things to be found, for instance this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzP4FM3WqwY and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbfjOeyx8qk&NR=1

Story is linear, story is figurative. That is if you translate the story-telling into visual terms. Story is about us, people. And all of this makes the story-telling so close to my heart/art… I like stories. Portraiture is telling a story…